Wednesday, April 2, 2008

It's 3 A.M......

Remember Hillary Clinton's "3 A.M." ad? The one where the fully dressed mother is checking on her children at three in the morning, while Hillary singlehandedly thwarts the plan of a group of Islamic Terrorists by calling them up and reading her health care plan out loud to them until they decide to become Hare Krishnas?

Okay, so I'm exaggerating. A little.

Mrs. Clinton has decided to try this approach again; apparently, she didn't get enough of a rise out of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy that she seems to believe is running the Barack Obama campaign as a diabolical strategy to keep a Democrat from winning the White House.

Her new ad shows children asleep in bed at 3 a.m., while fully-clad parents are worrying about mortgage foreclosures and the financial markets (probably the Nikkei, since the Dow's closed at 3 a.m.). In the White House, the phone is ringing, and...yep! You guessed it! Tired old John McCain sleeps through the phone call, 'cause there's no secretaries or anything whose job it is to handle the switchboard after hours--in fact, they pretty well roll up the sidewalks in D.C. after ten p.m., from what I hear. But wait! It's Hillary! Wearing the same beige suit and gold bamboo necklace she always wears at 3 a.m.! And lipstick! And glasses, cause the contact lenses dried up and fell out at 12:56! (I should know.)

She springs into action, chatting and smiling just like she did when it was Islamic Terrorists on the other end of the line. But this ad's a bit less clear--just who is she talking to? Bill Gates? "Listen, the country needs a loan, Mr. Gates--how about I approve that five-cent e-mail tax in exchange for some quick cash? It's just until payday..."

Or maybe she's hoping to borrow from Cuba; they always seem to have plenty of money to provide all those luxuries to their citizens. And then there's Vietnam--we pretty well made capitalism possible for them, so the least they could do would be to offer us some of their spare change...

Whatever the case, Hillary's treading on dangerous ground with these ads. The first one was analyzed to death, and this one will be, too, but what's worse is that this one forms a pattern.

A pattern that is hauntingly evocative. A pattern that is going to cause a memory to awaken in the minds of people like me, people who remember those public service ads from a couple of decades ago reminding parents to check and see where their children might be at ten in the evening.

And that's going to make us start to wonder why Hillary as President sees herself as solving all our problems and crises late at night. It's almost like she expects to be busy during the day, busy babysitting, maybe. Only after her difficult charge has retired for the evening can the Nanny-in-Chief turn to the affairs of moment; only then can she start to make and return all of those phone calls....

It's 3 a.m., Hillary. Do you know where your husband is?

3 comments:

freddy said...

Oh, *very* good, Red! Good thing I put down the tea!

jen said...

I LOVE this. I am so worried that the feminist movement will put Hillary (and subsequently) Bill back in the White House.
My husband is of the mind to battle the devil you know (Hillary) as opposed to the devil you don't (Obama) as Democratic candidate, but I just don't know.
It worries me a lot. I don't really know if I want John McCain either, but at least he seems more "together" than these 2 candidates.

Anonymous said...

Haahaaa, lucky I didn't have any tea to slosh--laughing out loud!