Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Election as Disney Movie

America, you can breathe easier now; actor Matt Damon has finally shared with us his deep and wise thoughts about this election:

"I think there's a really good chance that Sarah Palin could be president, and I think that's the really scary thing," Damon, the Academy Award-winning star of "Good Will Hunting" and "The Departed," told AP Television.

Having Palin, the onetime mayor of Wasilla, Alaska and self-proclaimed "hockey mom" as McCain's right-hand woman is preposterous, Damon said.

"It's like a really bad Disney movie. The hockey mom from Alaska and she's the president and it's like she's facing down Vladimir Putin and using the folksy stuff she learned at the hockey rink and it's absurd," he said. "It's totally absurd, and I don't know why more people aren't talking about how absurd it is."
I must say, I'm impressed. I didn't think Matt Damon knew the word "absurd," aside from its context in relation to his career. Of course, like most of the liberals commenting on this he's apparently unaware that Palin is actually the Governor of Alaska; they all seem to think that she went straight from being mayor to being McCain's running mate, when everybody knows that only the mayor of New York City is entitled to seek the Oval Office.

Still, it's amusing to see the genre of the Disney movie brought up in this context. I can only imagine the kind of titles/scenarios Disney might come up with for each of these candidates:

Now You See Him, Now... : Young Illinois Senator Barack Obama is in trouble! When his daughter's science experiment goes awry, he becomes invisible...but only some of the time. Appearing and disappearing out of nowhere, he can only manage to vote "present" on several key pieces of legislation! How will he make sure that everybody in America can see him? A fun family film, with cameo appearances by several Washington officials who've made convenient invisibility an art form.

Mr. McCain: So long as the maverick Senator keeps his contact lenses in, all is well with the Republicans in Congress...but when he loses a lens, or even both, heaven help us all! Join in the crazy fun as John McCain inadvertently cooperates with Democrats, reaches across the aisle because he can't see where he's going, and even signs on to the McCain-Feingold Campaign Finance Reform bill while ordering lunch. Can his friends and family keep him seeing clearly? And when he accidentally runs for President--and wins--will the wily Dems steal his vision correction long enough to get their people in the Cabinet? Contains a twelve-minute bonus feature explaining why normally it isn't funny to laugh at the nearsighted, but is acceptable to do so as long as the whole point is to make fun of Republicans.

Sarah Poppins: Washington's out of control like a spoiled three-year-old on a two-day candy bender! Who could possibly make senators and representatives, lobbyists and lawyers, journalists and activists sit up straight, wash their hands, and stop talking with their wallets full? Lucky for America, an experienced hockey mom/mayor/governor/journalist/former beauty contestant is up to the challenge. She's ready for anything--even the criticism of the dreaded Hollywood Left! Rated G, but extreme liberals may find some scenes disturbing.

Flubber-er: When a longtime Democratic congressman finally gets his chance at the vice-presidency, only one thing stands in his way: his strange tendency to babble uncontrollably whenever a microphone is nearby! A gifted high-school science whiz offers to help, but a mixup in the formula only makes the problem worse. With election day approaching and excuses about "laryngitis" wearing thin, Senator Flubber-er has to prepare for his biggest challenge--a debate with an attractive and smart female vice presidential candidate. Can his disastrous problem be solved in time, without his old high school dean (played by Matt Damon) catching on?

I've got to hand it to Matt Damon; that was a lot of fun. :)


Monkey Face said...

Oh my gosh! This is sheer genius. I love it!

Anonymous said...

Only had time to read the condescending comment about Matt Damon--expect he's an American citizen, probably old enough to have experienced the last couple decades or so, and in the acting business it says; probably knows BS when he sees it, probably knows somewhat about distraction. Don't know for sure. Just guessing.

Christie Groth said...

Oh my gracious. You have us rolling here in Fort Hood, Texas. You definitely have a creative gift for writing. Thanks for sharing! Truly, truly outstanding!!!!

Red Cardigan said...

Welcome, all!

Christie, I'm blessed to be married to a former Air Force guy, and even though he didn't make the military a career I'm always especially happy to have service member families here. God bless!

Anonymous said...

While it may be singularly pleasurable to indulge in the scholarly use of words, and how to spin, twirl, and shoot them through hoops, it might be more useful to use one's God-given breath (oxygenated blood) in endeavors of more than academic exercise, for example to picture i.e. visualize within the mind's eye, how medical care for the majority of Americans might be realized, paid for, utilized. Do you like what you see?

Is your family provided for in the most efficacious way you could imagine? What services and goods would you like to see available to those precious daughters? How about your spouse in the prime of his life, in light of his past service to his country? As for you, still in childbearing years, are you able to ensure your healthcare knowledge is up-to-date and that you're receiving good preventive mental, physical, and spiritual care? Those three cannot substitute for each other and neither can they be covered adequately by making sure that you eliminate your capacity for committing major sins and cutting back on the venial ones.

Let's move past the personality issues, and get back to the core of what mature and responsible citizens can do, and expect in return from their country.

Red Cardigan said...

Well, Anon, I'm glad you like my writing.

But I should say that I oppose government funded health care; it's socialism, and the Church has always opposed socialism.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I do like to read what is said, as well as the responses by others. What do you call government funded militaries, a government funded insurance provider industry/mortgage industry... Medicaid, and Social Security system set up to borrow for the future from the input of all workers? Who pays for what in a socialist society, and who decides how to spend what is garnered? What is the difference between 'taxpayer funded' and 'government funded' in our democratic society and socialism in our democratic society? Why is there the idea somehow that one of the two political parties in the USA called the democratic party supports socialism whereas the other party that is called the republican party in our republic not socialistic?