Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Ten Things I Learned While Cleaning Out My Kitchen

Sorry for the late blogging today; I'm finally returning to my decluttering efforts, which were interrupted by the blazing enervating relentless heat we call summer here in Texas.

I began with my kitchen. I'd love to say that it's all done now, but I can't even type that with a straight face; I've run into dinner hour and will have to quit--probably until tomorrow, since the laundry isn't going to fold itself, more's the pity.

Still, it was a productive hour or so. And I learned some things, ten of which I'm sharing:

Ten Things I Learned While Cleaning Out My Kitchen:

1. Just because your microwave oven broke months ago and you decided you'd rather live without one doesn't mean you remembered to find and throw away that last half-used package of microwave popcorn.

2. The last tiny bit of dried bulk pinto beans you forgot to use up will look pretty dusty--considering that according to the label you purchased them in 2005.

3. No matter how many boxes of cereal you currently have on hand, at least two of them will be at least 99.99275% empty. Nobody ever wants to throw away, or use up, that last 0.00725% of the cereal.

4. Canned goods will be plentiful to the point of frustration until or unless some emergency occurs that causes you to need them; at this point, you will suddenly have only two cans of tomatoes and a can of pumpkin on your shelves.

5. If the shelf where you usually keep plastic wrap and/or waxed paper is unaccountably empty, both you and your husband will keep buying both plastic wrap and waxed paper, until you clean out your cabinet and realize that all the plastic wrap is hiding under that shelf behind the seldom-used waffle maker--and now you have enough plastic wrap and waxed paper to keep Alton Brown or Rachel Ray supplied for a couple of months.

6. You will also find all the "good" hot pads and oven mitts hiding down there because the drawer they're supposed to be in keeps dumping them into the cabinet below, which is why whenever you have a really hot dish coming out of the oven all you can find is a rather thin Christmas snowman-shaped mitt that wouldn't be enough to allow you to touch the oven door safely let alone remove the dish without burning yourself.

7. There was some good, sane, comprehensible reason for you to save a box of pasta that had only three lasagna noodles left in it. Just because you can't imagine what that reason was or what it possibly could have been doesn't mean you didn't have one.

8. If you keep a plastic pretzel container because it will be such a good place to store brown rice, don't be surprised when you discover it nearly empty shoved toward the back of the cabinet shelf just because the brand of brown rice you buy started being sold in plastic containers instead of easily ripped bags (smart move, rice sellers!).

9. It is possible to own a "hot pad sleeve" for a fajita pan handle and not actually own a fajita pan.

10. If you're very good and clean out an entire cabinet or so, you may discover that you forgot about a bag of chocolate chip cookie mix that's still perfectly good to use! :)

Tomorrow I tackle the pantry. Or, as I like to think of it, the "Land of Ten Thousand Lidless Plastic Food Containers." Maybe I'll learn a few more things!


Anonymous said...

"last half-used package of microwave popcorn."

Just curious. Does this mean packet - package? Or box - package?

Cuz if it's packet - package, that's quite amazing!



Red Cardigan said...

Nah, just a box with two very old packages of popcorn in it. I may be crazy, but I'm not crazy enough to pop half a bag of popcorn!! :)

Tony said...

3. No matter how many boxes of cereal you currently have on hand, at least two of them will be at least 99.99275% empty. Nobody ever wants to throw away, or use up, that last 0.00725% of the cereal.

The "dad-disposal" will take care of that, I don't know how many times I've poured 1/8th cup of froot loops, 1/8th cup of Captain Crunch, 1/8th cup of Cocoa Crispies and topped it off with corn flakes.

Breakfast of champions!