Wednesday, October 29, 2008

A Sneak Peak at the Obama Infomercial

Int. Living Room Set

We see "Bibi Brown" and "Mick Michaels" seated in comfortable leather chairs; the camera pans toward them as the intro music fades.

BIBI

Hi, I'm Bibi Brown...

MICK

...and I'm Mick Michaels...

BIBI

...and we're here today to tell you about the latest, most exciting, and most all-around amazing new development in Presidential Candidate technology. Isn't that right, Mick?

Mick stands up and walks toward the camera.

MICK

That's right, Bibi. You know, I've been a voter for fourteen years, now, and I can't remember ever seeing a new product in the Presidential Candidate line as exciting, as innovative, and as all-around fantastic as..

MICK/BIBI

(together)The Obama-matic!

Bibi stands up, and gestures toward a television which is playing video footage of Barack Obama's campaign.
BIBI

You know it, Mick! You see, unlike other, limited Presidential Candidate models, the Obama-matic stands for whatever you say he does! There's no messy weighing of complicated issues--just elect the Obama-matic and wait for all that good audacity to kick in. It's like magic!

MICK

With today's busy families and their complicated lives, voters just don't have the time to figure out a candidate's past, who he really is, or what he really believes. In the old days, you might have to read hundreds of actual newspapers to find out all of that! And even today, when our newspapers and TV journalists make it easy by saying the exact same thing and staying away from all that tiresome objective reporting, some voters still feel compelled to look to their church, their civic organizations, or other resources to find out which candidate supports their views.

Cut to Bibi, who is now wearing glasses and holding a stack of disorganized papers.

BIBI

My church says to vote pro-life, my garden club says to vote for the environment, my neighborhood association says to vote for lower property taxes--it's all just TOO MUCH!

She dumps the papers into a trash can which has the word "Issues" circled and crossed out in red.

MICK

It is too much, Bibi.

BIBI

So what is a voter to do, Mick?

MICK

I think we both know the answer to that...

MICK/BIBI

(together) The Obama-matic!


BIBI

Unlike traditional boring candidates with actual positions on hundreds of complicated issues, the Obama-matic candidate is for just a few simple things, like "Hope" and "Change!"

MICK

It can't be as easy as that, Bibi.

BIBI

But it is, Mick! Obama-matic stands for hope and change, and that's all you need to know!

MICK

Wow! I already knew that the Obama-matic model of the Presidential Candidate was amazing, but hearing it over and over again just makes him sound even better!

BIBI

And that's not all. Once you elect the Obama-matic to be the new President of the United States of America, you'll find that the built-in rationalization you get from voting will help keep you excited and approving of every single thing he does as President!

MICK

You know, Bibi, some of our audience has already tried voting for the Obama-matic. Let's take some calls to see just how much they liked it...caller, you're on the air with Mick and Bibi!

CALLER

Hi.

MICK

Hi. Tell us your name, and what it was like to vote for the Obama-matic.

CALLER

My name is Keith, and voting for the Obama-matic...well, wow. Wow!

MICK

Wow, hey? That good?

CALLER

Thrill up the leg good. Everybody should vote for the Obama-matic. He's going to change everything.

MICK

Thanks, Keith. Do we have someone else, Bibi?

BIBI

We sure do! Hi, you're on the air with Mick and Bibi!

CALLER

Yes...um...I have a question about the Obama-matic.

BIBI

Okay, caller, what's your question?

CALLER

I've heard he comes pre-installed with the abortion feature, and I really don't want that feature, so...should I still vote for the Obama-matic?

BIBI

Well, remember, the great thing about the Obama-matic is that he stands for whatever you believe he does. So if you believe he's really going to reduce abortions even though he says he's for them, then...guess what?

CALLER

Then I can believe he's going to reduce abortions?

BIBI

Absolutely.

CALLER

Okay, thanks, then.

BIBI

You're welcome, and enjoy voting for the Obama-matic!

MICK

Bibi, we're almost out of time, here, and we've spent so much time talking about how great the Obama-matic truly is, but I want to make sure our viewers know how to get the experience of helping to elect the most innovative new Presidential Candidate model in history.

BIBI

That's right, Mick! Voters, all you need is a voter registration card, and the experience of voting for the Obama-matic is yours!

MICK

And if you don't have a valid voter registration card, the nice people at ACORN will help you get one.

BIBI

Or, if you live in Ohio and aren't verifiably deceased, then you can vote, too!

MICK

There are just so many ways to take this great opportunity to vote for the Obama-matic. But remember, you absolutely must take advantage of this offer before November 4th.

BIBI

And like all Presidential Candidate models, the Obama-matic comes with a four-year guarantee. If you're not absolutely delighted with the Obama-matic, just wait four years, and you can replace him with somebody new.

Music begins to play and the camera pans slowly away from Mick and Bibi.

MICK

That's all the time we have for now! Bye folks!

BIBI

Bye! And don't miss your chance to vote for...

MICK/BIBI:

(together) The amazing Obama-matic!

2 comments:

Wendy in VA said...

Hee hee.

linda said...

Excellent! Hope and Change... that's all we need to know. Too bad we didn't realize he was talking about change in our pocket.... that's all we'll be left with when he's done with us.