Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Pope Attacks Bottled Water

Fake News, Inc.--Pope Benedict XVI has raised the ire of bottled water companies and employees by insisting that the gifts of creation such as the earth, water, and air "belong to everyone," leading to questions about why the aging pontiff continues to attack the lifestyles of those who bottle and sell water as well as those who consume it.

"It's hard enough to keep people buying water during an economic downturn," one unnamed bottled-water industry activist complained today. "But when the Pope tells people water should be free? That's harsh. At least we still have plenty of business in Fort Worth, because the water there tastes so terrible even Catholics will buy our product."

Meanwhile, the Bottled Water Association of All America (BWAAA) issued a statement saying "The hurtful stereotypes directed at those who buy and drink bottled water must end. We are greatly disappointed that the Pope would contribute to those stereotypes, instead of hearing our stories and encouraging our lifestyles."


Okay, for any humor-impaired readers, that entire section above was, indeed, totally fictional. (Except for the bit about Fort Worth water, which truly does taste terrible, and has led my family to buy drinking water despite my preference not to do so.) But I think it captures pretty well what happened when the Pope's recent statements about humanity were twisted into some kind of anti-gay agenda; the Curt Jester does a really good job with this one.

Read the whole thing; it's pretty amazing how different what the pope actually said is from what the gay-activists claimed he said.

Of course, it's not all that surprising. The media has about five different headlines they can use to write about the pope, and they're as follows:

1. Pope Attacks Gays
2. Pope Attacks Abortion, Contraception
3. Pope Attacks Women Priests
4. Pope Attacks Dissenters
5. Pope Shows Surprisingly Soft Side (whenever he happens to write or say something the media actually likes and/or approves of).

Still, I think this recent attempt to make the pope's words an attack on those afflicted with same-sex attraction is a pretty egregious example of the mainstream media's use of their all-purpose headlines. Maybe they could spring for an extra headline or two, before they all go out of business.


matthew archbold said...

They shouldn't be complaining about what the Pope is saying. In the Bible, Jesus was so dissatisfied with water that he transformed it into wine.
Why is Christianity anti-water is the question.

Maclin Horton said...

If I remember correctly, "Pope Attacks Gays" was literally a headline I saw somewhere for this recent story.