Monday, December 21, 2009

Odd Google Searches of the Week

It's time once again for our present intermittent feature, where I post the odd searches people have done that have, for whatever reason, led them to this blog. Since it's late and I've got tired-gift-wrap fingers, here they are, without further ado, and in no particular order:

1. "Sample of vote of thanks." I've gotten this one at least twice now, from a Catholic blog search engine. So now I'm curious: what is meant here by a vote of thanks? Why does someone need a sample of it? And why are Catholics looking for this particular thing?

2. "I agree to torture terrorist." Good grief. Should I tell somebody? Does Mark Shea know about this? Or is this Larry D of Acts of the Apostasy in his attempt to make this list?

3. "Tea and Catholic Church." If you're wondering, the Church does not forbid tea. Or coffee. Or caffeine generally. Or alcohol, used in moderation. There might have been a breakaway sect of disgruntled Catholics who wanted to declare wine coolers a harbinger of the Apocalypse, though. Or I might have just made that up.

4. "Choir members complain song is 'too high.'" Sorry, intrepid searcher; I'm a first soprano with a practice range that can sometimes reach the F sharp above high C (C6), though in any public singing I'm not terribly comfortable above the C. I've never yet had any choir piece that required me to sing a note higher than the B before high C (and there was only one of those) in church, though, probably for the excellent reason that notes like those are rather piercing and thus unsuited to most ordinary liturgical music. So if your choir members are complaining that a whole song is too high, I can't imagine what it would be.

5. "Decorating with red tea lights." Hmmm. I can't really comment on decorating, as my style tends to be "Late Nonexistent." But I wonder if the searcher really meant "votive lights" or some other candle--wouldn't tea lights melt rather quickly? My limited experience of them is that they don't last long.

6. "Sunday Mass obligation poem." This might be fun to find! It's not here on this blog, though.

7. "Modern Church Mass songs." I wonder if the searcher is looking for hymns, or for the sung parts of the Mass? It's not surprising, given the "show tunes" style of so many unfortunate and misguided Mass settings written since the Second Vatican Council, that people might confuse the two.

8. "Laundry racks wives love." Oh, my. A week before Christmas, too. Again, unless this is Larry D having a bit of a prank, I really wish I could find that searcher and tell him: NO. Don't. Period. Unless your wife has actually specifically and repeatedly told you that what she really really wants for Christmas is a laundry rack, do NOT follow this impulse. Get her something feminine and frivolous instead; if you must take action on the laundry rack thing, a gift certificate to the kind of store that sells storage and organization items would be much, much better. Let her pick out the laundry rack. Or let her pick out some other useful thing she's been coveting for a long time, and do so thinking all the time that you understand her--you really do! Trust me on this one.

That's all for this week's edition!


LarryD said...

Erin - that was not me. I am against torturing terrorists...

...hunting them down in the hills of Afghanistan, however - I'm all for that!

I forgot to do the "weird Google search" thing this past week. But when you least expect it, expect it!

Merry Christmas! (3 days early!)

Dawn Farias said...

Excellent advice on number 8.

Deirdre Mundy said...

On number 8-- funny, my husband has been joking about getting me a new hamper for Christmas---- and last night, trying to find the floor in our bedroom, I thoought, "Actually, that's NOT a bad idea!" ;)

But I'm not exactly exciting or romantic.....

Because a laundry rack also sounds enchanting... I mean, it's such a PAIN to find places for all the "dry flat" sweaters around here!

Bob the Ape said...

Some think that the Mass obligation
Is a stifling, stale aggravation.
For my part, I don't care,
For it saves wear and tear
On my brain from too much cerebration.

Mary Q Contrarie said...

Here is my idea on number 8. Get the clothes drying rack and hang wonderful little things on it, a silk scarf, a pair of new gloves, A necklace and a couple new Christmas ornaments would be a nice touch as well. I love it that when we are creative we can take the practical and make it very personalized and fun.