Monday, December 28, 2009

Odd Google Searches of the Week

It's been a busy day, and I haven't had a chance to respond to Ian at Aquinas and More yet; will hope to do so tomorrow.

In the meantime, here are this week's Odd Google Searches, in no order, with random comments:

1. "Dark wanderer wives." Ummm....okay. I hope this was a role-playing game search. Is all I'm saying.

2. "Marriage obedient skirt." Oh, no. We've had that sort of conversation here before. I'm not getting into it again--except to wonder, for a moment, just why this seems to be a big issue for some men, this notion that their wives ought to wear skirts out of obedience and...what, exactly?

3. "Science can remove sleep." I hope not! I've been doing my level best all through Christmas to test the hypothesis that good coffee can remove sleep, but now I'm paying for it by having to wean myself back off of all that caffeine.

4. "Frying pan that has nothing in it." Got to be an image search gone awry; I can't imagine the phrase coming up otherwise.

5. "Is it worse to miss Mass or go and not participate." Ordinarily worse to miss it, from a sin standpoint, unless you go planning to shut your eyes and stick your fingers in your ears and sing "La La La I can't heeeere yooouuuu!" the whole time (in which case you'll still sound better than anything Marty Haugen ever came up with). Of course, this assumes a few things--that you are perfectly healthy and not excused from Mass for some legitimate reason and not seriously hampered physically or mentally from participating in the Mass (and remember, active participation simply means that you're paying attention, not that you're speaking all the words or singing all the parts, etc.). If you're afraid that chasing your hyperactive one-year-old will cause you to miss Mass, rest assured--the care of young children is a legitimate reason to miss Mass anyway. I'd go, get what you can, and if a good bit of the time you're in the vestibule walking with Baby at least you are near Jesus and can receive Him when it's time. If you're afraid based on persistent symptoms that unmentionable digestive trouble is going to keep you in the restroom in the back the whole Mass--that's illness, and illness is a legitimate reason to miss Mass anyway. If you are suffering from a serious mental incapacity that might cause you to wander absentmindedly out into the parking lot halfway through Mass, hot-wire someone else's car, and hold up a nearby doughnut shop using a rolled-up church bulletin as a weapon--illness again, but do speak to your pastor (or arrange for your ordinary care assistant to speak to him) about receiving visits from him for the sacraments as well as, perhaps, some visits from Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion when Father can't come personally. But if you're just tired, and zoning out, and too sleepy to pay attention through no fault of your own--go, offer what you can, offer God your tiredness and your physical presence, and prepare to receive grace beyond all measure.

6. "Creative wrapping of spiritual objects." Oh, boy. I'm not sure I'm far enough along in my grasp of metaphysics to know how to wrap, creatively, something which has no physical existence. Unless, of course, the intrepid searcher meant religious objects, like, say, a rosary, a statue, a pack of holy cards...

7. "Cats sneezing artificial Christmas tree." Sir or madam, my sympathies. One of three things is probably happening: a) cat is allergic to tree materials; b) tree was dusty from storage, or c) cat is cleverly plotting to have you replace a tree he can't climb up and knock over with one that he can. If "c" is the real situation, the only thing I can suggest is that you take him to the vet, so that he will learn that feigning illness has extremely unpleasant consequences...



Deirdre Mundy said...

Also, if you're sick, it might be a sin to GO to Mass. Because you'll be neglecting your own health AND possibly infecrting the folks around you!

As one of my friends is fond of saying "The Church is NOT a suicide pact!"

As for kids at Mass-- remember, part of your job as a parent is to bring the kids to Mass. And we Baptize babies, so presumably we want them at church, too! And if you read the catechism, encyclicals on the family, etc., the Church seems to be saying that kids BELONG in church. Yes, sometimes they're insane, and sometimes they don't get it (My 2 year old son swears St. James was a baseball player (he has a 'bat') and Jesus was a pitcher (Baby Jesus is holding a 'ball), but sometimes, when you least expect it, something clicks! And over 5 or 6 years, all those little moments of things clicking can add up to a beautiful faith!

(Of course, we're lucky-- our church is 150 years old and has lots of artwork to keep little eyes busy. And we've had a good run of priests who believe that babies are good for the parish, and we have a good crew of elderly parishioners who brought their OWN babies to Mass in that parish, and so aren't offended by OUR babies...there's something nice about knowing that 150 years of Catholics have teethed on the same pew that your child is gumming....)

LarryD said...

You purposely avoided the "drunk monkeys with scissors" Google search, because you knew it was me.


I'll have to disguise my searches better... :-)

Red Cardigan said...

I never SAW the "drunk monkeys with scissors" search! Did you really do that one?

LarryD said...

Yes - but I might have done it after you composed your post.

I had to scroll through 8 pages of searches before I came to your gift wrapping post.

Red Cardigan said...

You know what? I come up pretty quickly if you Google "drunk monkeys with scissors wrapping." ;)