Tuesday, May 25, 2010

All is not Lost

[Scene: an institutional-looking room in the Secret Catholic Blogging Headquarters, with chairs gathered in a circle. The chairs are occupied by secret, semi-secret, and not secret Catholic bloggers. A Moderator sits among the others.]

Moderator: Welcome, everyone, welcome! Let's get started.

(She nods toward the person seated to her right, a woman wearing a red sweater.)

Woman: Hi, I'm a Catholic blogger....

Chorus of voices: Hi!

Woman: ...and I've never watched Lost.

Moderator: And that's okay. Right, gang?

Second woman: It's fine.

Man with hat: No problem.

Man without hat: We're all in the same boat. Like in the show. If we'd watched it, that is.

Moderator: Who's next?

Man without hat: I'll go. Hi, I'm a Catholic blogger...

Chorus of voices: Hi!

Man without hat: And I...I've never watched Lost. Well, almost never.

Moderator: And that's okay. Isn't it, everyone?

First woman: It's okay.

Man with hat: We're here for you, dude.

Man without hat: See, my wife watched it. So I saw a couple minutes here and there. And I saw almost half an episode once because she said it was really important. Something about "the others," or something.

Man with bow tie: We hear you.

Man without hat: I still can't keep the characters straight. Sawyer? Hurley? Charlie? Who the Catholic Safe Swear Word are these guys, anyway?

Second woman: That's right. Let it all out.

Moderator: We're with you. Let's all take a deep breath.

(Everyone takes a deep breath, holds it, and releases it slowly.)

Moderator: Would someone else like to share?

Second woman: Hi, I'm a Catholic blogger...

Chorus of voices: Hi!

Second woman: ...and I've never watched Lost.

Moderator: And that's okay.

Woman with pearls: It really is.

Second woman: Is it? Because I'm a homeschooling mommy blogger. I write about school work and crafts and recipes. And all of a sudden all the women whose blogs inspire me are writing about Lost all the time! When will it ever end?

(She leans forward and holds a hand-crafted lace-edged embroidered handkerchief up to her face.)

First woman: It's all right.

Man with hat: Don't worry. It will get better.

Man with bow tie: They'll have to move on eventually.

Man without hat: Don't let it get to you.

Woman with pearls: Just keep your chin up, honey.

Moderator: Good advice, good advice. I think we have time for one more. Anyone?

Man with bow tie: Hi, I'm a Catholic blogger...

Chorus of voices: Hi!

Man with bow tie:...and....and....

Moderator. It's okay. Just get it out.

Man with bow tie:...I....I pretended that I was going to watch Lost. I kept telling my Catholic blogging friends that I was going to rent the DVDs and get caught up. Pretty soon I started making ridiculous excuses, like telling them my new TV didn't work with our old DVD player, and things like that.

Second woman: Nobody's judging you. We all understand.

Man with bow tie: I...I tried, once or twice. I really did. But...but...this is embarrassing.

Man without hat: You can do it. We're on your side.

Man with bow tie: It's just...it's television, people! After a while it's all...the same! Boring, even! I just couldn't force myself to watch hours and hours and hours of it!

Woman with pearls: And that's okay.

Moderator: Yes. Yes, it is. It's okay not to like to watch television enough to stick with a series show that ran six years with 121 episodes and that had a huge ensemble cast and more plot twists than a Cold War-era intelligence report and...whew! Looks like we're out of time. Those of you coming back for the couples' support group, "My Husband/Wife Watched Lost and I Didn't," please note that the time has been moved from 7:30 to 8 P.M., as we're having to lengthen the time for the "My Teenager Can List All the Cast Members from Lost but is Flunking American History" session. Thanks for coming, everyone! Bye, now!

Chorus of voices: Bye!

20 comments:

Deacon Dean said...

I'm a Catholic blog reader and I've never watched Lost!!

Great post! Really brightened my day!

Thanks!

Amy said...

Hi. I'm a mommy blogger who is also a Catholic and I've never watched Lost. I know it's ok.

However, do you recommend it? I'm seeing so many posts from other Catholics that now I'm tempted to rent at least season 1!

Kim said...

What the Catholic Safe Swear Word is Lost?
:)

Red Cardigan said...

Amy, I can't recommend it--because I've never watched it! :)

But plenty of people seem to have liked it.

Red Cardigan said...

Sorry about that, Kim. I think the Catholic Safe Swear Word must have slipped into some kind of alternate reality...

;)

nutmeg said...

Oh, Red... wait until you utterly succumb and rent season 1.

:P

Rebecca in CA said...

I'm a Catholic not-blogger, and I've never seen Lost. Is it something like Gilligan's Island? I like Gilligan's island a lot.

Anonymous said...

I must confess, I saw a advertisement for the program. It looked kinda interesting. I couldn't believe, though, that it has been on so long and I've never watched it. We did have a TV last year or the year before when the signal changed to digital. All is not Lost, if there are really 121 episodes, maybe they'll show it at the old age home when I'm admitted.

Sharon said...

I'm a Catholic Blogger and I've watched EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of "Lost." So there. I just haven't written about it on my blog--yet--but after this week's series finale I just might. :D

And I saw every episode of "24," too. But I never watched "Grey's Anatomy." Well, almost never.

Sarah Oldham said...

I am a Catholic blogger and I watched seasons 1-3, but during season 4 was too busy on LOST night with Cub Scouts/Boy Scouts stuff . . . and we didn't have Tivo/recorder thing . . . so I lost LOST. No intention of getting each season from NetFlix and wasting hours of my life to it. That time would be lost forever. Not worth it. There's too much real time fun to be had.

Aaron said...

I'm a Catholic and a blogger (but not usually a "Catholic blogger"), and I've never seen it either. It's seemed to me that, since fairly early in the show's run, the people who watch it spend more time making fun of the confusing and convoluted plots than they do about why they like the show. I'm not sure there's ever been a show that was watched by so many people for the sake of criticizing it. (The Rush Limbaugh Show, maybe?)

Anonymous said...

From Scotch Meg

I am a Catholic non-blogger. My husband and daughter got involved in "Lost" this spring. I did start out trying to watch it, to keep them company, and also to understand the phenomenon. No dice. I found it too gory and too pointless - like most TV shows. To be fair, I don't like much TV and watch it only when I want to spend time with my husband in the evening. So others may well enjoy and appreciate it. I'm not sure why I so dislike TV, because I'm not that picky about what I read (which is everything from classics, spiritual books to mystery novels, awful "literary" modern novels, history, memoirs, and more). Anyway, I didn't like "Lost" any more than anything else.

Mark P. Shea said...

Clearly, you are all part of the Others.

(That's a Lost in joke that all true Losties get. We're all laughing now at my witty inside group repartee. We're also laughing because you don't get it. And we are laughing at my witty faus nerd metanarrative and self-referential humor).

Am I insufferable enough yet? :)

Red Cardigan said...

Gee, Mark, you have to work at "insufferable?"

And you a Dark Lord, and all...

:)

eulogos said...

Never watched it either.

I did get sort of involved in Battlestar Galactica at one point but lost interest when they made things too weird and mysterious. Like when they found earth and discovered that they all were actually people who were there when it blew up eons ago???? I wanted a straight SciFi story.
When they make up the plot as they go along, it shows.

What I might want to rent and watch someday is that show about street life in Baltimore, whose name escapes me right now. Supposed to be very good, rough but realistic. I saw a bit of that over my son's shoulder one time.(He is 36) But you would definitely have to start from the beginning.

I do television in little bursts, with months long intermissions when I never go near the thing.

If I have to do mending I will put law and order reruns on so I won't be bored while I do it. It's a nice talky show, so you can follow without watching all the time, unlike CSI which is totally visual. I need the words, dialogue is what interests me.

Susan Peterson

LarryD said...

If Mark was a true Catholic blogger who watched 'Lost', he would have figured out a way to include the word "ineffable" in there somehow. ;-)

I'm a Catholic blogger, and I am a 'Fawlty Towers' fan....oops, wrong thread!!

Sharon said...

I'm laughing, too, Mark, because I'm a Lostie and I get it. :)

We're the good guys, Mark. (Let's see who gets that one...)

Siarlys Jenkins said...

I'm a Protestant and I haven't even bothered to get the converter box for my $15 TV I picked up at a rummage sale, which fortunately just barely has connections for a DVD player. Anyway, I've never watched "Lost." I've seen references to it in the newspapers sometimes. Is it important?

SherryTex said...

I'm a Catholic blogger and I have never watched Lost!

Is there a 12 step program for friends who have and now are in recovery and withdrawl?

Anonymous said...

I'm Catholic-- don't blog and have never watched Lost- and never plan on it! Yes I did say that I was going to rent it on Netflix and ... never got around to it- (head down in shame). You got my number! I hop my life is just as full as a "Lostie" if I don't ever watch it-- which is my plan...

Faith