Wednesday, December 28, 2011

That "New Translation" cookie recipe...UPDATED

(For the UPDATE, see below.)

I'll be resuming regular blogging, God willing, on Monday, Jan. 2--but come on, you didn't think I'd manage to be quiet for a whole week, did you? :)

I hope all of my readers had wonderful Christmases; I certainly did, as did my loved ones. God is good.

Now to business: most of you have probably already seen the "New Translation Christmas Cookie Recipe" which originated on Commonweal's blog and was posted in this version by Msgr. Pope just the other day:

Christmas Cookie Recipe
(Revised Translation)

Serves: You and many.

Having procured one chalice butter, 2/3 chalice sugar, cream these ingredients, that by their commingling, you may begin to make the dough.

In a similar way, the butter is having been made commingled, with the sugar, beat in one egg.

Gather these dry ingredients to yourself, which you have received, so that, having combined them, you may add them to the dough which you have already begun to make: 2 1/2 chalices sifted all-purpose flour. 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1 teaspoon vanilla.

Make the precious dough with your venerable hands.

Into the refrigerator graciously place the dough, so that it, having been chilled for the duration of 3 or 4 hours, before the rolling and the the cutting of the cookies.

When, in the fullness of time, you are a ready to bake these spotless cookies, these delicious cookies, these Christmas cookies, preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Rolling out the dough and taking up the cookie cutter or stencil of your own choosing, fashion the cookies into forms that are pleasing.

Sprinkle colorful adornments of the cookies like the dewfall.

Bake for 8 to 10 minutes, or until the cookies have jut begun to attain to the brownness that is graciously granted them by the oven’s heat.

May these cookies be found acceptable in your sight, and be borne to a place of refreshment at your table whereon they may be served with milk, hot chocolate, or with your spirits.

Now, I can enjoy the lighthearted spirit of joking good humor offered here as well as anybody. And because I appreciate this good clean fun for what it is, I'd like to offer, in the same spirit, the original 1970s version of this cookie recipe, before it was translated as you see above. I can't say where I got this version, but Larry D's friend Sister Patricia Owens O'Flannary, OP might possibly have been involved:
Winter Holiday Cookie Recipe
(Original Version)

Serves: All.

Get some butter, margarine, or other oil-like substance of your choice. Also get some sugar or other sweetener. (Note: exact amounts are patriarchal and legalistic! It's up to each person to decide how much of these ingredients to use!)

Mix them together, apologizing to each for inflicting this oppression on them; use the opportunity to reflect on injustice.

Now add an egg, unless you are a vegan and you'd be offended. Stir the egg in vigorously but don't "beat" it, because "beating" is violent and wrong.

In another dish, preferably an earthenware bowl of no particular design that is by its sheer ugliness authentic and real, mix some flour and salt. Add this, with some cruelty-free vanilla, to the butter/sugar/egg, or margarine/sugar substitute/no egg, or whatever you've done so far.

Make sure everyone has a chance to stir the dough so that all will feel welcome. Then chill the dough in the refrigerator for a time, and ponder the coldness of the old, rigid way of making cookies compared to this new enlightened approach.

Bake the cookies in a reasonably hot oven. You can, if you like, use cookie cutters, but free-form dough shapes are more compelling and tell their own stories, while cookie cutters impose dull uniformity and inflexible shapes on the dough, which is really sad when you think about it.

The cookies are done when you feel like they're done! Serve them to groups of people sitting in circles on the ground, because we don't want to get all formal or anything.
That certainly casts a light on the new translation version, doesn't it? ;)

UPDATE: A brilliant commenter at Msgr. Pope suggested a Marty Haugen version of the Cookie Recipe. I'm glad to comply. I don't think I'll need to tell you what tune to hum this little ditty to:

The Singing Cookie Recipe Song

Here in this place, the oven's preheating,
Now is our hunger banished away,
See in this space, the mixer is whirring,
Making us snacks for to brighten the day.

Gather them in, the sugar and butter
Gather them in, the eggs and the flour;
Wash and prepare each cute cookie cutter
Have them at hand for the time and the hour.

We are the young--and baking's a mystery,
We are the old--we've done this before,
Careful, say moms throughout human history:
Sugar's a mess to clean up from the floor.

Gather them in, the salt and vanilla
Gather them in, the rest as you know;
Add soda too, but just a scintilla,
Stir it and make it to form a soft dough.

Here you must chill the dough till it's ready:
Here you must roll and cut--the next phase--
Here you must bake, with hands that are steady,
All of the shapes in the oven on trays.

Give us to eat the golden-brown cookies
Give us to drink some milk with them, too,
Nourish us well, the chefs and the rookies
Make everybody clean up when we're through.



SisterPatricia said...

That recipe brings back memories!

Anonymous said...

Thank you Erin - this was needed.

The only thing missing wold be that the sentences in the recipe are too long and contain words with more than two syllables. You should have some

"Serve these. They are good. They will help you a lot."

*That's* the spirit of the old translation. I fear good Msgr. Pope has been taken in by the new translation-haters at Commonweal.

Red Cardigan said...

Sister Patricia-- :)

Anonymous, you're right, but I just can't write that way. Someone else will have to write that version. ;)

Siarlys Jenkins said...

Both funny. Neither one particularly representative of those lampooned. Those lampooned should have the humility and sense of humor to laugh. They probably don't. We all get a good laugh though. Thanks Erin.

scotch meg said...

Erin, these are a riot. May I print them for my confirmation class? My kids are confused by the fuss, but I think they will understand better by seeing something funny.

And a cheerful and blessed new year to you!

Red Cardigan said...

Sure, Scotch Meg! I'd be delighted.

Otepoti said...

That song version is magnificient! Kudos to the rhyme of "vanilla/scintilla" and the unmistakeable six-eight rhythm.

Merry Christmas, Erin

Emily said...

these were delicious!

Rebecca in ID said...

Oh my gosh, your Marty Haugen version is just brilliant.

Red Cardigan said...

Thanks, all! :)

Harmony said...

I am not Catholic, so don't have much of a frame of reference for "old vs new" translations, and have only heard of Marty Haugen on Catholic blogs. But this is still hilarious. And may I also say, as a Protestant of course, that the ability to laugh at ourselves, our limited abilities to approach and describe God, our human traditions and our man-made translations of scripture is all very healthy IMHO. I think the anti-humor crowd over at the Msgr's blog confuse proper reverence toward God with inflated self-important religiosity. I am glad you and your readers do not.