Monday, February 11, 2013

A parody, with many apologies

Okay, I'm just going to preface this post with tons of apologies to get them all out of the way. 

I started thinking about writing this parody after reading Rod Dreher's post in which a Traddy Catholic friend of Rod's labeled Pope Benedict XVI a "coward" for resigning.  I can't help it; I'm wired that way.

But I want to stress that I'm poking fun at this particular type of Ultra-Trad Catholic, the type of person who thought the whole "God's Rottweiler" moniker for our pope when he was still a cardinal was an encouraging sign, the sort of person who honestly thought that in the first year or so of his papacy Benedict XVI would forbid the Novus Ordo Mass and reinstate what was still being called the "Tridentine" back then as the Ordinary Form of the Roman Rite.  This is the person who criticizes Father's shoe buckles for not being large enough, or the sort of person who thinks that the only real problem with the SSPX is that they're a bit too liberal (even if he stays grudgingly under papal authority himself).

In other words, I do not think that every single traditional Catholic or every single regular Extraordinary Form Mass attendee thinks this way.  In fact, my fictional Ultra-Trad doesn't really think this way, because he probably doesn't exist.

But that couldn't stop me. :)

So, one more apology: to Don McLean, for badly parodying "American Pie" in the following song, "Benedict X V I" (and yes, you have to say the letters separately as letters instead of saying them as a mere number, or the rhyme doesn't work).

***************************************************************


Benedict X V I

Not so very long ago
I can still remember how “Habemus Papam” made me smile
And I thought if he had the chance, he’d make those wacky liberals dance
And we’d forget that VII for a while.
But February made me bitter--with each new tweet up from Twitter
Bad news from each blog host; I hated each new blog post
And everybody seemed to find lots to say that was too kind
And I thought I would lose my mind the day the pope resigned.

So bye, bye Benedict X V I
Seems the Novus is still Ordo and I just don’t know why
And all my friends, from the Low Mass and High, are singing
“Popes should stay the pope till they die,
Popes should stay the pope till they die.”

Did he write that “God is Love” and isn’t that on a felt banner above
The altar in that “worship space”
Now, do you know Gregorian Chant? Do modern church songs make you rant?
And can you explain what’s up with all that lace?
Well, I thought that this pope was our guy, ‘cause I saw that grim look in his eye
When the nuns got on that bus--man, I thought he’d kick and fuss
I was a great nitpicker with an axe to grind and I thought he would be my kind, but
I knew I had been too blind the day the pope resigned.

I started singing, bye, bye Benedict X V I
Cause the Novus is still Ordo and I just don’t know why
And all my friends, from the Low Mass and High, are singing
“Popes should stay the pope till they die,
Popes should stay the pope till they die.”

For forty years we’ve lived the pain of the “Gloria” sung like a refrain, but
That’s not how it’s supposed to be.
And Benedict should get a pass for the new translation of the English Mass
(Though Latin’s still the one for me.)
Oh, but while the pope was occupied, the LCWR drifted wide
The nuns screamed “patriarchy,” but that was just malarky!
And while their broad brush-painted slimes got printed in the New York Times
We sang our Compline after nine the day the pope resigned.

We were singing, bye, bye Benedict X V I
Cause the Novus is still Ordo and I just don’t know why
And all my friends, from the Low Mass and High, are singing
“Popes should stay the pope till they die,
Popes should stay the pope till they die.”

*****

I read a blogger for some news, but felt that he was too amused
I just sighed and clicked away.
I tried to watch EWTN but thought about it all again
How Benedict should have done things my way
On Facebook my friends, Trad and lapsed, shouted loudly in all caps
And some of them were sniping face to face while Skyping...
And a man I know to be a knave, Cardinal Mahony, the liberals’ fave
Made travel plans for the conclave the day the pope resigned.

And we were singing bye, bye Benedict X V I
Roger M. should be in jail and I surely know why
And all my friends, from the Low Mass and High, are singing
“Popes should stay the pope till they die,
Popes should stay the pope till they die.”

We were singing, bye, bye Benedict X V I
Yes the Novus is still Ordo and I just don’t know why
And all my friends, from the Low Mass and High, are singing
“Popes should stay the pope till they die.”

9 comments:

forgettheroads.com said...

This made my day! Thanks so much! :)

sdecorla said...

This is brilliant!! You should send it to Rod Dreher.

Charlotte said...

Well, it would seem pretty fitting that I would leave a comment, yes? Well done, my friend. I cracked up and had a teacher or two in the halls here at school laugh as well.

By the way, I'm blogging about you today, by coincidence.

Red Cardigan said...

Thanks, all! :)

LarryD said...

You know that scene in Wayne's World where Wayne & Garth fall to their knees at the feet of Alice Cooper and start bowing & chanting "We're not worthy! We're not worthy!"?

That's what I'm doing right now.

Dave said...

LOL! Well done!

Red Cardigan said...

Aw, shucks, Larry. :) And thanks!

Bob the Ape said...

That is abolutely superb.

Thomas D said...

I have what I hope is a holy envy for the skill of this sublimely celestial parody!