Students from Eastside Catholic High School and other Catholic secondary schools delivered a message outside the Archdiocese of Seattle on Saturday afternoon: We are not going away, and we are taking our protest to a new level.
“We care too much about Mr. Zmuda to let this go,” said Ian Edwards, a senior at Eastside Catholic, after speaking at the second demonstration in as many weeks outside the old chancery of the archdiocese.
With social media at their disposal, the students are thinking big. They plan to organize, nationwide, a “Z-Day” on Jan. 31 to protest the forced resignation of Eastside vice principal Mark Zmuda after his same-sex marriage last summer.
“We encourage students, at Catholic schools or otherwise, as well as any other impassioned individuals, to proudly wear the color orange on that day. In so doing, we will be showing solidarity with Mark Zmuda, as well as expressing our hopes for an enlightened perspective on issues of sexuality in the Catholic Church,” said a statement read by Edwards and other students.
Let me translate that for you:
We, the students of Eastside Catholic, are abysmally, woefully stupid about our faith. We understand nothing of Church teaching, and we demand the right to think with our genitals, as we have never learned to use our brains. Thus, we support the right of all of our teachers to teach us how to hate the Church and all of her teachings, which we have never bothered to learn, since we're usually too busy getting laid (safe sex, people!) in the back seats of our mommies' Volvos (tm) after school to do any homework (not that our religion class homework would help, because our religion teachers have never taught us any of the doctrines of the Catholic faith, but only to love ourselves and our inner hippie children and also to recycle, 'cause, you know, it's mean to the planet to throw plastic bottles in the trash; we've never even seen a Catechism, and wouldn't recognize one if it hit us in the head, though since we don't use our brains at all getting hit in the head with a Catechism wouldn't actually hurt us any). Thus, we see no reason why a male person who claims to be "married" to another male person would not be an excellent teacher for us, since he will teach us to despise Church teaching even more than we already do (while simultaneously helping us to remain in total ignorance of it and, indeed, staying at the intellectual and philosophical level of toddlers, given that we can't think about anything more serious than a cartoon without getting a headache). We demand the Church change her teachings to suit us, or else we'll go all Twitter on the Archdiocese, because if Luther had had Twitter it would have been like awesome or something--besides, we're actually stupid enough to think the Church will change her ancient teachings to make us feel better about ourselves, even though that hasn't worked for any of the other heretics who have come along (oh, wait--what's a heretic? Is that, like, a compliment?).
I hope Archbishop Sartain will quickly end this nonsense. I honestly wish he'd simply close Eastside Catholic High School immediately. If the teachers have to be paid anyway, so be it--but there's no reason to allow a festering cesspool of heretical idiocy to continue to spew forth its toxic fumes of ignorance and malice all over the other high schools in the area (though several of them have enough heretical idiocy of their own they'd better get busy addressing now, before they find themselves in a similar situation). Let the spoiled darlings of Eastside Catholic fend for themselves in Seattle's fine public high schools, which would suit their irreligious and blasphemous minds better anyway. It's about time somebody taught these overindulged little monsters that a real Catholic education is a privilege, not a right--and it's a privilege they clearly and demonstrably don't deserve.