Saturday, November 15, 2014

The Singing Cookie Recipe Song; or, why I can no longer sing a certain hymn with a straight face

I just now realized we’re singing “Gather Us In” at Mass tomorrow.

And ever since I wrote the Singing Cookie Recipe Song, I just can’t sing “Gather Us In” with a straight face.

So if my IRL friends and family see me fighting back giggles during the entrance hymn, this is why:

The Singing Cookie Recipe Song

Here in this place, the oven's preheating,
Now is our hunger banished away,
See in this space, the mixer is whirring,
Making us snacks for to brighten the day.

Gather them in, the sugar and butter
Gather them in, the eggs and the flour;
Wash and prepare each cute cookie cutter
Have them at hand for the time and the hour.

We are the young--and baking's a mystery,
We are the old--we've done this before,
Careful, say moms throughout human history:
Sugar's a mess to clean up from the floor.

Gather them in, the salt and vanilla
Gather them in, the rest as you know;
Add soda too, but just a scintilla,
Stir it and make it to form a soft dough.

Here you must chill the dough till it's ready:
Here you must roll and cut--the next phase--
Here you must bake, with hands that are steady,
All of the shapes in the oven on trays.

Give us to eat the golden-brown cookies
Give us to drink some milk with them, too,
Nourish us well, the chefs and the rookies
Make everybody clean up when we're through.


Siarlys Jenkins said...

I can only add, you may be a closet Calvinist if you find yourself objecting to the hymn "When We All Get To Heaven."

Barb Szyszkiewicz said...

This is great! Every time I sing that song I think of "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald." Very musically similar. And your lyrics are way better than the originals!

John Henry said...

First Simcha Fisher's "Make me a panel of your cheese." Now this. Reading Catholic blogs is becoming for me a near occasion of snickering at Mass.

Brilliant rewritten lyrics, BTW. Al Yankovic would be proud.

Anneg said...

Have you written an updated version of " All Are Welcome" yet?
Love it.

Frank said...

That's a great parody, thanks for sharing it. I must say, however, I never could get through that little campfire tune with a straight face even before seeing your version. I'm one of those curmudgeons who thinks most of the stuff in our Catholic "hymnals" doesn't really belong in the Sacred Liturgy, even though there are many with catchy or even lovely melodies. But I try not to let that bother me since I'm not really at Mass for the songs, anyway. God bless you and yours!

Jay said...

The amazing thing about this post's title is that it implies anyone could possibly sing Gather Us In with a straight face under other circumstances.

Carrie said...

This is simply BRILLIANT! And never again will I hear this hymn without thinking these lyrics!

Gertie said...

This is AWESOME!!! I going to print up some copies to give to my choir members. And no, we do not sing that hymn for mass, so we won't have to be fighting back the giggles :-)

Thanks for the laugh!

Carol Cover said...

The Cookie Song makes a lot more sense, and is much less condescending and unctuous. It might help me get through the other one.

C Manderino said...

Excellent, thanks! Had a good chuckle!

I saw the previous comment on being a closet Calvinist.

Just a friendly reminders that Catholicism and Molinism are not the same thing (which so many seem to forget... or are too aware of and fight against).

Emilio III said...

This seems a great improvement on the original, though not more appropriate to sing in church...

Mme Scherzo said...

When I was a Protestant, I rewrote Love Divine, All Loves excelling, to , I Want My PeaNUT Butter Samwich, and I Want it, I want it Now.
I found out later, that this hymn was once a tavern song. I can almost picture the pubsters all singing about their beer.

Red Cardigan said...

All: Thanks! And sorry for the comment glitchiness. Usually comments get emailed to me for approval, but I only got two of them that way; the rest were lurking in a “moderation” folder. Usual blog stuff--or a sinister plot by the friends of Haugen? You decide...


LarryD said...

This is every shade of awesome and then some.

Robyn Dolan said...

I must say, I like your version better.