Thursday, May 28, 2015

Imagine: the Catholic song parody

Pressed for time today, so I’m just going to share something I’ve already shared in another blog’s comment box (though, since the blogger hasn’t approved comments yet, I guess it’s technically going to be here first).

You may have already seen the National Allegedly Catholic Reporter’s ludicrous and laughable take on what the ideal American Catholic church is going to look like in 2063.  If you haven’t, I’ll warn you: the repeated and strong eye-rolls may give you a headache:
To the simple notes of a single piano, the parish choir and the congregation sang a sweet, lilting version of "Come to the Water" as liturgical dancers, altar servers, ministers of the word, parish chancellor Emma Okere and pastor Fr. Antonio Fitzgerald processed up the center aisle. The song filled the soaring interior of the 131-year-old structure. On a banner high behind the altar, in large, easily readable lettering, was a quotation from Pope Francis: "Who am I to judge?"
This was one of thousands of celebrations across the globe marking 50 years of rejuvenation and renewal dating from the election of Pope Francis in 2013, popularly called "refreshment of the faith.” [...]
Deacon Liam Saranof was reading the Gospel of Matthew to 27 men, women and children seated on folding chairs in the long, narrow space, the former home of an Ethiopian restaurant.
This strip mall was also the home to a bedding showroom, a Subway sandwich deli, a $10 store and a bicycle repair shop, all of them open on this early Tuesday evening.
A short time later, Saranof's teenage son Karim opened up a small folding table in the center of the space, then carried over a small, brightly painted plastic box containing consecrated hosts that, a few hours earlier, had been delivered by one of the parishioners from St. Gertrude.
"Some of us here think of ourselves also as members of St. Gertrude," machinist Chloe Pardo explained. "But others are only affiliated with the community here. They like the community work we do; they like how close we become.”
If you read the rest, just remember: these people are not really the future.  They’re more like an exaggerated caricature of the worst elements of the recent past.

The hideous bit of this whole thing is this: there are actually Catholics who read this sort of tripe and nod and smile as they recycle the bottle from their organic pesticide-free beverage sold by an environmentally aware and responsible global multinational corporation, because this is what they think the Church should be.  It’s smile-button Christianity at its worst; it is the Church without Christ, but they don’t seem to see that at all.

I actually thought about giving this thing a strong analytical treatment, but I realized that such a treatment would be too much for this marshmallow fluff masquerading as an idea.  So I did what I usually do in these situations: I wrote a song parody:

Imagine (the Catholic song parody)

Imagine there’s no organ
Felt banners proudly fly
No kneelers below us
Dancers prancing by
Imagine all the faithful
Unfolding their chairs…

Imagine there’s no reverence
It’s pretty hard to care
Nothing much to worship
Nothing that looks like prayer
Imagine plastic boxes
And strip-mall pseudo church…

You may say I’m a dreamer
Stuck in nineteen-sixty-five
But my past shall be your future
So my world will stay alive

Imagine lady deacons
Female chancellors too
No need for priests or Masses
Nothing for them to do
Imagine there’s no pastors
Just unguarded sheep…

You may say I’m a dreamer
Stuck in nineteen-sixty-five
If my past becomes your future
Then the Church will not survive

1 comment:

Elizabeth said...

So you believe in channeling, Erin? 'Cos I swear I could hear John Lennon's voice singing your lyrics just now...