Monday, January 20, 2014

This made me laugh

Rod Dreher shares this funny take on what the Homeschool Barbie (tm) might be:
Need a Christmas gift for your sheltered home schooled children? Well now there's Homeschool Barbie™!

Homeschool Barbie™ is just the toy for your precious little angel. She has a fresh, clean complexion and simply styled hair to show forth her natural beauty. And because she loves her family so much, she keeps right on smiling as she rises with the sun and works until long after they're in bed, and she has the eyes to prove it. (Coffeemaker and mood enhancers not included.)

Homeschool Barbie™ comes modestly attired in a denim jumper with an embroidered t-shirt for warm months and a turtleneck for winter. And no bare legs and flip-flops for this doll--her legs and feet are properly covered with dark tights and comfortable shoes. As an added bonus, Homeschool Barbie's™ underclothes are painted on. So, even when your daughters are interrupted at play, your boys won't be scandalized by the sight of a naked Barbie™.

As homeschooling has grown in popularity, there's a Barbie™ to meet every need. The Protestant Christian version comes with a miniature Bible (the complete King James version!) and will recite Scripture verses when her hand is pressed. Catholic Homeschool Barbie™ wears a crucifix, chapel veil, and can lead your children in praying the Rosary (in your choice of Latin or English) when her hands are placed together. Secular Homeschool Barbie™ comes complete with a grain mill and Birkenstocks™, and shares her favorite home remedies & recipes with a pat on the back. All three dolls include a variety of Math curricula with manipulatives and chalkboards with tiny real chalk!
Read the rest here.

I think they're missing a few.  My suggestions:

Third-quarter blues Homeschool Barbie (tm): This version of the Homeschool Barbie (tm) features a baggy sweat suit, a snarled ponytail, and a look of total desperation; she also comes with a mini-book titled One Hundred Things To Try Before You Give Up Homeschooling Forever.

Prairie Living Homeschool Barbie (tm): This Barbie (tm) knows that denim jumpers are from the devil because they reveal a woman's ankles!  The Prairie Living Barbie is totally modest from the top of her bonnet-covered head to the long, draping prairie-skirt hem which covers the tips of her boots (complete with buttons!).  Her clothing cannot be removed, and her female children are similarly clad.  For the boys in her family, you can choose between the Daniel Boone-style male clothing or the Little Lord Fauntleroy version.  Prairie Living Homeschool Barbie's (tm) husband is named "Kenneth" and combines both traditional-approved male fashions by wearing a smoking jacket over his farm overalls.

Smugly Superior Homeschool Barbie (tm): This Barbie (tm) is a better homeschooler than you, and she knows it.  Unlike the other Homeschool Barbies (tm) she is clad in modern fashions and her nails can be painted!  And while she's on her way to that manicure, her perfect children are translating Sanskrit (the only language they haven't yet fully mastered) at their "on-the go" van desks (van sold separately)--except for Kyle, who is preparing for total domination in the National Geography Bee.

Completely Faking It Homeschool Barbie (tm): She looks like the standard Homeschool Barbie (tm) but under that denim jumper she's wearing jeans and a tee-shirt with a rock band logo on it.  What looks like a stack of Ridiculously Hard Curricula opens to reveal a martini glass; inside her classroom globe (included) you will find a secret stash of mystery novels.  When you squeeze her hand, she says, "Not now, honey; Mom's trying to find Venezuela on the globe," or "Just a minute, sweetie, I'm looking for that in the curricula pile." 



naturalmom said...

Haha! I love Smugly Superior Homeschool Barbie! Her van is definitely not a big white 15 passenger, because she doesn't have that many kids. In fact, it's probably not a van at all, but an SUV. ;)

priest's wife said...

haha! I wonder which one I am ? ;)